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Home arrow Writings arrow Get 'Em While They're Young

During the 1988 presidential election, I was in middle school. Back then, I did what all good children do during an election - I voted in the mock election for the same guy my parents were voting for. Well, at least, the candidate my mom was voting for. She swayed me by reminding me I went to a Catholic school and good Catholics were voting for Bush the elder because he was pro-life. My dad on the other hand just couldn't sway me for Dukakis. In fact, I don't think anyone could find him warm and fuzzy after that shot in the tank.

Today's parents don't have to worry so much for their kids. There's a book series to the rescue! Littledemocrats.net brings you two volumes - one for mom and one for dad - to help explain to your tots why you prefer an ass to an elephant. Had I seen cute woodland creatures putting out fires or known that squirrels would stop an elephant from crushing me, I might have cast my mock vote for the Massachusetts Miracle. You can show your kids how to become a fair, tolerant, and loving democrat with these easy to read "non-judgmental" books. With any luck, little Bobby and Susie will grow up with all the backbone of a jellyfish.

A few minutes on Google will show you that one of the biggest problems republicans have with these books is that they're targeting children. Some things of course, must stay sacred. Politics should be kept out of children's lives. One commenter says "What kind of narrow-minded fuck-stick targets kids?" That might be pretty sick - but also remember, the politics of tolerance and sharing end up making our kids godless communists.

Targeting children in political ads is indeed, wrong - unless you're teaching them good values. There might be nothing better to get your kids headed in the right direction than a few titles from the "kids corner" section of the Conservative Book Service. Bobby and Susie will learn traditional values like self-reliance, hard work, charity, and faith from titles such as "Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed" and "Help Mom! Hollywood's in My Hamper." That last one is a lifesaver - I've been wondering forever how to get Michael Bay out of my linen closet.

If you really want to get kids into politics, but don't want to be partisan about it - look no further than the Air Force One Playset Toys. Made out of Die-Cast metal, this set is perfect for the commander in chief of the playground.

Yes, if you want to build the future of tomorrow you've got to teach values to the children of the day. Get them on the next campaign bandwagon and they'll turn out to be fine little Americans, ready to march lockstep off the next cliff in the name of whomever big business deems fit to lead this great land.

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